My Unfinished Business

"I am not getting any younger, and neither are you.
What say we make that a table for two?"

No that's not something I read somewhere. That's a thought that popped into my head after witnessing my youngest cousin's 4th birthday, another cousin's college farewell and my best friend's wedding.
While another cousin is planning a Christmas wedding and my parents recently celebrated 29 years of their marriage, the jolt of insecurity and the dreaded thoughts of eternal failure at relationships haunts me. Ergo, I hereby declare that yes, loneliness is definitely a bitch.

Now I realize that I am going overboard, and that too this close to a weekend, when I am normally the most amiable I can be.!

However, I can't help but feel that in this rat race towards a better career and a zillion achievements, the emotional connection and personal bonding is something we are losing out on...

In the rare instances that we manage to make that mythical Emotional 'click', we let ego come before honest, true-to-God confessions of love, and wait for the other person to make the first move. And in doing so, play endless games of quid-pro-quo and other attention seeking games that end up doing nothing but irritating the heck out of us!

Never realizing that in this loonnnggggg wait for the 'other person's step one', its only TIME that's really making the moves, and those ain't the slow kinds.

In a nutshell, are we, in the race to perfection in our professional lives, letting go of the Part - II of our lives? The part that makes life equally, if not more, worthwhile? RELATIONSHIPS?

Even if we are not, even if we are still out there, trying our damn best to establish these relationships, are we whiling away precious time in silly mind games? Time which would've been better utilized in getting to know each-other better?

Now before I elaborate, I am not talking about ONLY romantic liaisons here... When I say Relationships, I mean any damn relationship that exists in the world.
A blood relationship, friendship, student-teacher, mother-daughter, father-son... And then those lovey-dovey ones too, offcourse...

In all our lives, we must've had that one Relationship with someone who we swore we would never let go off...
Where the other person was the someone we truly loved, respected and trusted...
Someone we swore we would never give up on...

Yet, with Time being the bitch it is, with the occasional help by Distance, that person, and that relationship has lost the hold it once had on you.

And so it turns out, your BFF is someone you haven't spoken to in 10 years;

The teacher who pushed you to perform and applauded your success is now just another name in your Friends' list on Facebook;

Your cousin, whom you used to share clothes with while growing up, is now in a world of her own and someone you feel awkward talking to...

And above all, the person you clicked with, your soulmate, your dream, is now just another name on your BBM/Whatsapp contact list...

I don't know who's fault it was, Whether this was due to some constraint, time or otherwise, but some real beautiful relationships of mine ended pre-maturely, and I am none the wiser why...

And that makes me wonder how things would've been, and where I would've been... If only I had time, wisdom and YOU on my side!

And if any of the people listed above are reading this, I take this opporrunity to say "I am sorry!"

For being a bad communicator, an aloof person, a stupid, immature girl and a brainless zit of a teenager who did not realize your importance in her life...

Now that I've lost you,
and with the years I've been through,
I realize that with a lil more efforts,
and some heart-warming methods,
we could've still been a me and you,
Instead of 'oh he's a person I once knew'

So, More than anything else, this is a shout-out to four very important people...

One, I still care for you the very same way kiddo, and no matter what, that will never change.

Two, you may have started a new life and you maybe miles away, but you will always be the one person from Jaipur that I'll never let go off!

Three, you and your encouraging words have made me who I am today. I am sorry I was so inconsiderate to never ever thank you properly for everything you did to make me a better person. And I hope, in your heart, you'll forgive me someday!

And four, Oi! You! Yes you! With the funny habit of popping in and outta my life and my dreams...
There's still some time for us to give it one last shot...
Cuz there's this thread that binds us, a thread that some take a lifetime to unravel, but miraculously, we already have...
But this thread is slipping right through our fingers, and we ain't got much time left really...
After all, you never know when time really and truly runs out on the us... And this thread melts into infinity...

So one last time, with a lil over a month left.
Let me know what you really wanna do...

Yes, this is my way of finishing all my unfinished business,

So, what say, you? Should we try to start anew?

The journey called Life

The thought in your heart,
The feeling in your mind;
With each step you take forward,
You leave a piece of you behind.

Genuinely Fake?

In a world, or rather in an age, where First impressions often make or break the potential relationships we may share with people, cordial or otherwise, do we go out of our way to project ourselves as the ‘perfect’ strangers?

Now that is as controversial an opening I could have come up with. Right?

Having *just* experienced a successful MBA Entrance cycle, I have gone through a lot of ‘First Impressions play’ lately.

The excellent student, with a humane side, who is dedicated to the well-being of others…

The studious, hard working girl who managed to ace the CAT while working…

The extrovert future batchmate who *loves* organizing meets, taking discussions forward and making those funny comments…

Am I any of the above in particular? Nope. Not a single one.

Am I a blend of all of the above, with the habit of occasionally exaggerating a particular facet of my personality, as the need be? Yea well, you could say that.

And forget the MBA Entrance dance, don’t we all play up a part of our personalities during certain situations, even when in our heart, we know, we are not that person?

I can recollect a million instances when I have behaved as a mature 24 year old in front of relatives, saying ‘adult’ things, behaving all prim and properly, even when at heart, I would rather be chilling out, behaving like a kid, and just plain acting all immature? I mean, literally, I can see myself laughing at the douchebag I was projecting myself to be. Yet my relatives were all very proud to see my ‘maturity’

And all because I wanted to make a good impression. Sometimes for my sake, sometimes for my family’s.  

Before you go all ‘tch tch’ on me, lemme ask you, have you not done something similar or even worse? (over here, take a minute and think back to your last Job Interview, dinner with your spouse’s family, that date with the real hot chick, or even your doctor to whom you are scared to admit of the extent of your smoking addiction!)

Not tch tching anymore, are we?! :P

Coming to one recent encounter with the ‘other’ me, I met up with a few people who have known me for a long time now. No they are not family, and no they don’t exactly form Facebook’s new ‘Close Friends’ group. But yes, they have seen me as an awkward kid, a geeky teenager, and an elegant young adult [bwahahahahhahahahahahhaha elegant?!] Its fair to say that they have probably seen the non-political, honest-to-God side of me, more often than just once, and I need not be anything but myself in front of them.

Yet, when we got talking, I could see myself feeling flustered, looking for excuses and faking things. Saying things I don’t mean, not saying things that I believe in.

Not objecting to things they said that I felt were wrong, but staying mum and even nodding along.

This got me thinking, have we become so shallow that we are afraid that the real us is not good enough that we don’t even stand up for things that we believe in, even if have known the potential opposing forces for ages?

And more importantly, is this because we want to avoid conflicts, feel that opposing the other person just for the heck of it is not worthy enough, or because we feel ashamed of our REAL thoughts and beliefs?

And again, this post too exceeds the word limit I set out to, yet I have not even touched the real point….

Give me a few hours to organize my thoughts better, will be back, after a day’s break..!

Disclaimers ::

1.       Dear future college and present dream, don’t throw me out because of this.

2.       Dear ‘not close friends’ hope you never figure out who I am talking about

3.       Dear relatives, trust me I am just very occasionally immature. Mostly I am the mature, well behaved girl I seem to be.

4.       Sorry for not continuing my last post…

5.       I promise I will be back tomorrow…. Promise!